Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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