Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
