mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
