My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
