smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
