I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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