I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my being single is dangerous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize
