Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There are leaves in my underwear?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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