The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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