So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
