Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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