I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
