so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
