hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
