I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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