sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need help removing her.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
