giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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