you would pick up someone in the library
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i now understand why vodka
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
