This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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