what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is my gift to your gina
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm always down for nudity.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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