literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
