Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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