i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
