Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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