Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
