You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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