I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
