Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
