so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
