I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
