How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
