I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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