I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
