Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
