never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
