Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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