i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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