Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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