So drunk its hurt
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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