I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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