Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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