A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
