He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
