You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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