i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
