My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
