well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
