It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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