Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
