Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
