I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
